It was 6:47 p.m. on a Tuesday in March. I remember the time because I'd just looked at my phone — checking, again, how much longer until my husband got home with dinner.
I'd been at my desk since 8:30. Seven and a half hours, give or take the four minutes I spent making a sandwich at lunch. My office is a converted walk-in closet at the end of our upstairs hallway. I work from home four days a week. I have for six years.
I peeled off my socks before I sat down on the couch. Not slowly. I yanked them. And when I looked down, I saw what I'd been training myself not to see for four years.
The sock ring was still there. A pink stripe of indented skin running across the top of my ankle like someone had tied a thin rope around it. I waited for it to fade the way it used to. It didn't.
I pressed my thumb into the soft tissue above my ankle bone. I'd read about this test in some article a few years ago — about how if the dent stayed, it meant something. I lifted my thumb.
The dent stayed.
I'm 52. My mother had ankles like this in the last decade of her life, and I used to look at them and think — silently, the way daughters think things — that I would never let mine get that way. I would walk more. I would eat better. I would not become my mother.
Four years earlier, sometime around 48, I'd noticed my shoes starting to feel different by 5 p.m. Not all my shoes — just the closed-toe flats I wore for video calls. I'd assumed it was the shoes getting old. I bought new ones in a half-size up.
Around the same time, my doctor had told me my periods were changing because I was entering perimenopause. She'd said the words fluid retention in passing, the way someone tells you it might rain later. I hadn't connected it.
Now, four years later, I had three pairs of shoes in different sizes in my closet — morning shoes, afternoon shoes, after-6-p.m. shoes — and I'd been treating that like normal.
The dent stayed for forty seconds. I counted.